英文笑话短信一：
Two ladies were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
两个女人逛商场的时候讨论起她们的家庭生活，一个说道：
"Seems like all Alfred and I do is fight. I've been so upset that I've lost 20 pounds."
”好像在我和阿尔弗雷德之间就只有争吵了，搞得我心烦意乱，为此我已经瘦了20磅了。“
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
”那你为什么不干脆离开他啊?“她朋友问道。
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
”嗯!还不可以。“第一个女人回答，”我想先再瘦15磅再说。
英文笑话短信二：
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
一个老人驾车在高速路上疾驰，这时他的车载电话响了。接通后，电话中传出他老婆焦急的声音，“赫尔曼，刚刚新闻说280号公路上有辆车逆行，你要小心啊!”
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
“该死的.，”赫尔曼说，“谁说只有一辆啊!简直有上百辆!”
英文笑话短信三：
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点。你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"