给“臃肿”的段落“瘦身”。
在商务英文信函写作中,我们要小心避免写出那些让读信人一看就得摒气凝神的“臃肿”段落。整块整块密实的`文字,在每天要读十几封甚至几十封信的读信人看来,就像一座座的大山屹立于眼前,成为阅读的最大障碍。会让人由于细心理上的原因感觉你在罗嗦写废话。因此,写作者应该想尽一切办法给它们“瘦身”。把较长的段落拆解成几段。一般的划分段落的原则是“一个段落只表达一个意思(A paragraph for each point is a good general rule.)”(摘自周邦友《英语应用文大典》第76页)如:
例(7):It is reported in a domestic newspaper that the Iranian Central Bank has instructed the commercial banks to suspend their business of opening a new letter of credit as from the 3rd May for financial reason of foreign currency. Although it is said that this arrangement would be a temporary one and with establishment of new import policy this emergency arrangement would be lifted, we are much concerned about the outcome of this movement toward restriction of import to Iran and shall be obliged if you will kindly keep us well advised of development of this new arrangement especially in connection with import from France. 以上这封信只有一段,共有两句话。第一句39字,第二句66句。 读后虽然能基本了解其内容,但读起来很不舒服。而且看起来臃肿,信的内容大体有三点:
1. 伊朗中央银行因外汇原因,通知个商业银行从五月三日起停止开立信用证;
2. 这临时措施,新的进口政策一订,这个措施可能取消;
3. 希望对方随时告知有关情况。
按照这三点,适当地划分段落,把信重新改写如下:
It is reported that the Iranian Central Bank has instructed the commercial banks to suspend their issuing new Letters of Credit as from the 3rd May because of its decreasing foreign currency funds.
Furthermore it is said that the suspension seems a temporary one and will be released with establishment if a new import policy.
We are much concerned, however, about the outcome of this movement toward restriction of import to Iran. We, therefore, shall be obliged if you will keep us well informed of development of this new state of affairs, especially in connection with imports from France.
修改过后的段落并没有增加或者减少任何一个词语,也没有改变原来句子的意思或者表达方式,只是按照意思将其恰当地划分了段落。较之原文,修改后的信函读起来比较清楚易懂,看起来也很简练,更加容易让人接受。
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